I don’t wanna cry anymore. I don’t wanna be upset. I don’t wanna feel like I have to hide my tears, get up and go somewhere else just to release, how I feel. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one fighting for it, the only one caring enough to put it all out there.

I don’t want to feel the distance, the coldness… the complete opposite of how it all began. It’s crazy how much we dreamt about being here together but would rather do our own thing instead of work it out. I thought we were dedicated. Aren’t we in this together? Maybe I misunderstood how we can turn conversations into debates gone arguments… Where the point of it all got lost in the wording. The emotion polluted the message so it keeps coming back, trying to be seen in the smoke…but we so easily focus on the dark cloud we don’t see the heart inside trying to be of assistance. I know this is better than this it just makes me wonder…how, why has it became how it is?

Why has it left us in a place where hard, distant backs face each other on the silky landscape instead of intertwined limbs and fingers consumed in the embrace of each other? I miss that…it is what I long for.