Friday, July 29, 2011

Praying with the Matrix

Many of us have been told how to pray that leaves us in a constant state of we learn the true power of our words.
“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society. In fact, nobody’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind. No such world exists."

Thoughts of the day

This time can be sort of frustrating, I often feel it too, but this "revolution" is an internal one happening in moments of silence. To truly help someone, help them to know the truth about themselves, that will teach them about God, ego & how to deal with today's problems. Play your part in your community. Spread Love & Peace. But first BE what you want to spread :) As our Spirits lead by example, we remind people of their own light & allow them to make Peace with their own darkness. Inner Work is the only way this world will truly heal. And it's happening, even if we can't see it... & as more people become conscious of themselves the process speeds up. People hate the term "conscious" these days forgetting that all it really means is being aware, becoming aware of ourselves & our world. We are all becoming conscious even if we don't fit into that box we've created for the "conscious community"... Being conscious is not about talking about spirituality 24/7, preaching, telling people to "wake up"... It's so much more inclusive. It's just being aware and acting accordingly...whatever way your Spirit feels is right. I am Peace with the fact that we all think & experience things differently. And I release the temptation of judgment.

Some awake people or conscious people have become self-righteous & very judgmental. But we must remember we are all going through a process...still learning.

I was thinking about this yesterday when I had that insecure moment. How we take on a label thinking that we don't need to heal or that the process is complete. We know something but want to believe it before we've unlearned all of our limitations & let go. We learn about ourselves & feel that truth so we call ourselves "conscious", but still have many layers of ego or hurt we have not let go. We say we love and accept ourselves, call ourselves natural beauties because we have learned about how twisted the world is with makin us feel less than... But just because we've learned & know a truth doesn't mean we are completely healed from the remnants of the hurt.

It's a process & we think just because we deal with a few demons we understand or are healed but it's so much deeper. We fight a few monsters in the closet, thinking that's it and years later monsters buried in the back of it resurface in our lives. It's so much deeper. . .& that's okay. What I'm trying to say is we're never done working with ourselves. The process is a lifelong-thing.

When we can remember that we remain humble & can extend compassion to each other and ourselves.

It's crazy how many boxes we create even for someone should accept being imperfect but put a box for how they should deal with accepting their imperfections. Creating a box of prediction for how to deal with being imperfect. So ironic how much we create these expectations even for something like imperfection when it is free. As all things are.

Remember, these words are just that words. Concepts. Ideas. Not really limited to any definition. We only want to share when we have it together all the time or after we've learned something. But I think that disconnects us from each other. We reach this "conscious" or something else and by putting on these labels we create expectations as how one should act or feel all the time. . .But if we share everything, our pain, our joy, our struggles, our triumphs, we remember life IS a process we are all going through. Don't be afraid to share your pain as your going through it, allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Don't create a perfect idea of yourself & project that. Then we get mad people have these unrealistic ideas about who we are and hold us to that but it's because we don't share the darkness

We're all human beings. With highs and lows. Good and bad just experiencing the process of life, hoping we learn more about ourselves. The yin and yang. It's ALL of us. Not just one part. This is why I believe true perfection is imperfection.

Our wholeness includes our imperfections.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Heart Leader: Stuck in the Middle

i guess i stopped askin questions cus i don’t wanna know the truth

somehow the answers i need to know will come to me


like the conspiracies

the government tried to hide from us

but somehow resurfaced somewhere i was able to discover

honestly, i fear the lies

i hate the feeling of not knowing if i can trust

but i guess

i just have to

i have to let go

like all the Universal lessons Spirit gave to me

even if it means, half-smiling while crying

i just have too much pride to ask

i guess it’s confusion mixed with a higher understanding

emotions with thoughts sexing with intuitive knowing

i pray to myself that my inner light isn’t oppressing

reality’s intellectual light bulb

but i guess this is something i’ve always chose

heart over everything

even if it causes suffering

i tell myself it’s worth it

but who really knows?

i think i tell myself these things to make me feel better about the way i love

cus to me Love is all that matters

and even if it turns into disaster

at least i was able to trick myself into heaven while it lasted

the thoughts eat away at my heart

so i put in my ear plugs

i keep fighting it

i tried to become one with them

but then they became me

so i decided that i’d rather neglect them

like those foster children society forgets to mention

stuck in the system

expecting to make something of themselves

even though the only way to make it through

make peace is self destruction

harming the only person who’s ever been their friend

having no one else but themselves

and now we let go of that

i wonder if that’s a negative thing or

an understanding of enlightenment

i try and tell myself to leave it be

let go and it’ll be Peace

but when is it really time to leave things label-less

if that was really the case then how would self-evaluation work

how would we know when to change if we don’t judge ourselves first?

confusion leads to darker times

that make the good times feel so good

but i wonder if it’s really peace if you’re constantly rebalancing

from the suburbs to the hood

from heaven to hell

and back again

i tell myself if i want to believe something

then to just do it

try is just a middle-man

but sometimes im like

that’s impossible

damn near improbable to just give whatever it is your entire self

with no precautions

trying to Be

trying for Peace

trying for Love

there is no try

it’s something we just do

and i think that’s what makes it the scariest thing because

everything we think becomes a self-prophecy

so how can i not be cautious when it affects our entire fucking lives?

so how can i be cautious when it affects our entire fucking lives?

catch twenty-two

doesn’t even begin to describe

the paradox of life

it just keeps going and going

rippling and rippling

out ….on and on

like erykah badu singin the soundtrack of life for me and you

we get up with trust and trip over our unlaced shoe

but if we take the time to lace it we may miss an opportunity too

it’s so insane how insane it all can be

and yet the “sane ones” are the ones doing the insane things

everything is so backwards and it keeps reflecting

so it makes me wonder how much i really know or understand

when this womb feels so uncomfortable

i ask mother earth if this is really nurturing

if her surface is

cus the minds that roam it

keep going back and forth

from evil to good

i know there has to be an absolute

but i still don’t understand it

so how can i evaluate it

with my left brain

or the right

why can’t it be both?

i try to trust my heart but it’s hard

and when i do it always seems to end up in the wrong places

in the wrong spaces

eaten by the faces

i let kiss it

so i wonder…

what part of me is the part that should lead

when it’s intellect that got us into this mess

and spirit has became so misunderstood we can’t even distinguish what that is

i thought the heart was the sacred part of us that has been untouched

but even that can turn black

have us hollering “we don’t give a fuck, give me that shit back”

so who is the leader

if it’s not my mind

and my thoughts are just wandering energies tapped into me

the heart is just a vessel for something that get’s lost between it all

maybe that’s why i feel the way i do

because the leader of my life is my heart

but our hearts have been indoctrinated with thinking

disconnecting us from spirit

so i don’t even know the own voice of my soul

i don’t know which road to go

i just have to pick one

and trust it is my path

but i’d never really know

so here all the worries come again,

and i restart with my dilemma…

back at the start of this poem

Men Vs Women

n my years of life, i always heard that men and women are completely two different creatures with so many differences it’s almost impossible to understand each other. of course hearing that when i was younger i didn’t believe it, but now with my experience i do think there are some differences that make it very difficult for our relationships.

we constantly hear that women are “emotional” and men aren’t. this makes it tough when dealing with disagreements because they have different needs. men want to just drop it, not talk about feelings extensively…but women need comforting, complete discussion and support… in many relationships women will constantly hear that they are “doing too much” or are being “too emotional” when they get hurt, are upset, start crying…and this leads to more complications. the men become irritated and this leave the women self-conscious and unwilling to open up because she feels she is being judged rather than supported. i have felt this many times and always wondered how it could be a bad thing to care… being emotional is being open and one with yourself enough to trust how you feel and allow yourself to feel them. discussing issues is good communication and if we thoroughly discuss them enough to fix problems, discussions wouldn’t keep coming up. countless times of “emotional moments” would not come up because we would deal with the situation all at once—leaving no other feelings to be bottled up and able to explode at a later time. to me, this makes the most logical sense, but for some reason society demonizes being emotional so the women is told to “stop being so emotional” and to “just let it go” and while letting things go is important and essential in personal growth, how is letting something go before it is dealt with and healed a good thing?

making someone drop an issue when they do not want to or need to talk about something is forcing them to be submissive and often times women do it as another way of self-sacrifice to make things be peaceful. we want things to work out and be happy, but we know this is not good for our own health. we are not being true to ourselves. there’s nothing wrong with being emotional and i feel as if men do not understand women being this way because they were never supported to be open enough to express them.

our habits are learned as children and when a little boy falls down what do we say :get up, don’t cry and be no punk/little girl” but when a little girl falls down we hug her ask her if she’s okay…ask her to tell us what’s wrong so she can release any feelings she has. the latter way makes sense to allow someone to express how they feel but the boys must bottle it up and get over it, so as adults they continue this. when women have problems they usually talk to other people and don’t distance themselves because we were not taught to be that way, but when men are upset, they withdraw into themselves and don’t talk about it—they just drop it as they were taught to do.

but not talking about things and bottling them up is not healthy…being stubborn and inconsiderate for the woman’s needs by telling her to let it go is not helpful . and it is not natural. men are programmed since they were little to not talk about their feelings, not to cry, to just let things go and it closes their hearts.

so when they come with women who have been taught to be open, receptive, comfortable in being vulnerable they don’t understand because they were never able to be this way…even though that is how we are supposed to be as people. we have to talk about things to fix them, we have to talk about and acknowledge our feelings because they exist. and it’s not just a women thing, it’s a person thing just disguised as a woman thing to cut the men off from the Loving energy they are built on. asking women to change is like asking them to stop being Lovers while we continue to support men in their journey away from a life that opens them to understanding, compassion, and empathy. we have to break the cycle. we cannot continue it anymore. look where it has gotten us.

Killin' For Equality

We’re so biased

We talk about killers

As if they are distant creations

From ourselves

We all kill

And yet hold ourselves superior

Even the liberal heart-felt individuals

Scream out about the injustice of eating meat

As if killing an animal to eat is

Outside of nature

Outside of the cycle of life

And yet

They rip the roots of the vegetable plants up

Steal the fruit from the fingertips of the trees

With no respect or appreciation for the life they’ve taken

We’re so biased

So very biased

As we hold one life over the other

We say we’re equal in the animal kingdom

But ignore the plants

We murder everyday

That rose you feel symbolizes love

And brings a smile across your face when it’s your gift

Was once alive did you ever stop and think

Why there are thorns

Perhaps it’s an attempt at self-defense

From the gardener

The slaughterer gets more heed than

Those of agriculture

Just because the plants do not have eyes

Does not mean they are not alive

That they don’t cry

That doesn’t mean they cannot feel

We can’t see deeper underneath the surface

And yet we think we’re really standing up for equality

The illusion goes on

When will we accept death is a part of life

And we murder to survive

Am I justifying serial killers

In this attempt no, but take it as you want

Just throwing out ideas

Of how humanity can really be lost

We say we’re all one but with these beliefs how can that be? Hypocrisy…inescapable

We all kill others, everyday

From the food on our plate

To the conversations we have

Belittling others

Crushing their dreams

Killing their self-esteem

When will we understand we’re all capable?

The judgement must cease

So we can see beneath it all

And really understand the All

It’s all about our mental

And intentions…

Do you say thank you

Show your gratitude for what gives it life to you?

That’s true equality.

Treating things with Love and respect and understanding life and death

If we understand we would see actions in a different light

The Unknown

i have truly came to the place of the Unknown in Life…where i have completely no idea what will happen in the next Moment, and honestly—i don’t care to know. i’ve stopped making plans, trying to figure out the future and left my fear in the past. i just take each Moment as it comes, trusting every second of my Life with the Universe one hundred percent. i have let go of trying to control my life…and this has left me in a comfortable clueless state. i don’t care to know anymore, i don’t care to plan or guess or try to figure anything out. i just let myself live Now and let the Mystery create as it has for billions of years …
when will we see it’s our thoughts that our corrupting us? they take us prisoner and demonize everything around us and even inside us. we make opinions and judgments about people, situations, the world and ourselves and try to understand through limited concepts. but that’s no way to live. no way to experience Being. you cannot experience Being if you’re thinking about everything…to experience Life, you just Live it…let Life lead you… what is the need in thinking?

we feel and sometimes our thoughts birth our feelings…but i’m a firm believer in spiritual guidance, intuition those feelings…and i don’t believe those come from thoughts, but inside of us—that realm we are all One. those feelings are nothing to think about, just more steps on our paths to take…

why do we keep thinking? why do we keep questioning? why do we not trust our paths?

what is meant to be will be. and if it happens, it’s meant to happen. and if we know that, if we really truly know and understand that—why do we stress? why do we think we need to “fix” everything? do we not believe our paths will lead to what needs to manifest? trust…everything is about trust. and by Being, just Being—that shows we Trust the Universe/God/This Unexplainable Energy.

Boredom or Being?

It’s crazy how much we hate “doing nothing”. we claim we’re bored because we have been told we ALWAYS have to be doing something. We have to be working, going to school otherwise you’re lazy…read a book but maybe those moments don’t require us to do anything. Maybe they are there to remind us we aren’t required to do ANYTHING, nothing we do makes us any more special. Maybe those moments are lessons from the Universe teaching us to Be. Since we are human Beings. I’m sure plants and animals don’t try and fight being able to just Be…they’re content with it.Maybe we should just accept it. Embrace our “boredom” and Be. Meditate, get in touch with our inner God
I don’t wanna cry anymore. I don’t wanna be upset. I don’t wanna feel like I have to hide my tears, get up and go somewhere else just to release, how I feel. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one fighting for it, the only one caring enough to put it all out there.

I don’t want to feel the distance, the coldness… the complete opposite of how it all began. It’s crazy how much we dreamt about being here together but would rather do our own thing instead of work it out. I thought we were dedicated. Aren’t we in this together? Maybe I misunderstood how we can turn conversations into debates gone arguments… Where the point of it all got lost in the wording. The emotion polluted the message so it keeps coming back, trying to be seen in the smoke…but we so easily focus on the dark cloud we don’t see the heart inside trying to be of assistance. I know this is better than this it just makes me wonder…how, why has it became how it is?

Why has it left us in a place where hard, distant backs face each other on the silky landscape instead of intertwined limbs and fingers consumed in the embrace of each other? I miss that…it is what I long for.

The Mystery

standing here looking at the world around me
i do a 360
three sixty vision
time to move
so i do

i start running


then i walk to catch my breath

more running


eyes perfectly open but somehow i lost my way
again i stop
my neck cracks
turning, turning inch by inch
i can feel subatomic particles working their cities within me
to full capacity so i can take a gander at this horizon
this new view i have come to

the sky looks so golden
clouds skipping across on their invisible conveyor belt
i thought they were dancing
but maybe it was me
i couldn't come to the right conclusion
cus i was still too busy
catching my breath
from all of that running

an elegant china plate just broken
might as well toss it into the bin
we take to the thrift store and donate
to those we like to claim we're giving to
but is it really genuine giving, if we don't give it until we consider it junk?
the fork was too busy screeching across the ceramic concrete
i didn't have time to answer this question
didn't have the strength to run
so instead i crawled
thought it may be safer
but instead my head spun like a carousel the kids spun
between their misunderstood sentences on those boiling summer days

considered entering a track race but
assured myself that the tortoise doesn't beat the hare in reality
only fantasy
a fable that only belongs in books
so i went continued on my journey
asking the water-colored higher dimension above my head when i would find it
but it never responded

so i just went on

in search



i left my map at home
didn't think i needed it
maybe i really did.
gosh, i can be so hardhead
just gotta laugh at myself in retrospect
as i crawl on this rock-riddled earth surface
scraping my knee with each motion
trying to keep my head up so i don't see the blood trail from my weathered hands beneath me

keep going

keep going
you're there! i can almost feel it

i opened my mouth to taste it as that sayin says we can when we're close
but it the scent was so foul, i didn't have the courage.
my ego kept whining, said it was taking too long
but i told it to shutup--i'm the one in control
i guess it got confused, must of been reminiscing about the days it had me
in a trance, doing the splits to the rhythm of it's disco frequencies

but now i do yoga

be still

i start noticing jewels sparkle against the blood-speckled soil
i must be close!
Heaven must be beautiful like this
and as i kept going
my inside began to shrink
gosh, it's cold.
but i ignored it
it's not matter over mind
i got this!

Skipping among a rainbow, i felt the bliss of Now
like those moments when you're reading a good book and you can feel the understanding soak into your brain
it's very distinct
can't be mistaken
and as that feeling grew
the jewels did too
and so did the color

i got Deja Vu
this place felt so familiar
the smells, the texture of this dry-skinned surface
my ego started shouting like the twin Towers were being destroyed within me
watch out! beware! don't go there!




I should have listened, cus i felt it
but something inside me was okay with taking these steps back
i was no longer interested in my search
just wanted to discover why it felt so familiar
Let Columbus find the way, it's his place in history anyways

I went into this absent air
and recognized the flicker from a piece of design before my eyes
muddy hands took it
and held it, eyes closed
stopped moving, and sat still
right there
this familiar circle carved in the ground
i had been traveling between the cracks
but almost as if, i had an out of body experience

i saw

and no longer needed
to take those roads
scrape that fork
the beginning is the end
and the end is the beginning
if i wanted to find what i was looking for

i needed to stop looking
it was there within me, all along
i didn't need to scrape my knee
or move
or run
okay, im probably lyin--cus now i understand

it's funny though
The Circle
sometimes we lose who we are as we search,
only to find we already were who we were searching for from the beginning.

Monday, July 11, 2011

i be going in circles...straight up circles
sometimes it's frustrating
but then i remember
circle is the the symbol
for completeness
now when i keep goin in circular motion
revisiting familiar situations
im coming home

time of Being

some days i get lost in writing
other days i'm lost in Being
i don't want the thinking to take away from the Moment
but in this Moment
writing is the Moment
i think my writing can be quite divine because i leave it unedited
so in a sense it is Being
it's Being through me
no thoughts
it just flows
like the Ocean Be

ebbing the sand
kissing with nouns and adverbs
more Oneness reaching out for more Oneness
I think that's how Art should Be
you can't edit out parts
you have to let it Live like it is in the Moment
totally consumed in it All
it may seem misunderstood
but it wasn't when you wrote it
your soul understand
even if your body doesn't

Art is funny
how we can claim what Art is good or Bad
it all resonates with someone
maybe your heart can't feel it
but that doesn't make it any less
it wasn't made for you
but for the Creator
who Create
their Creation

don't chop and screw it
dance with cupid
when you can
and if you can't
do your own dance
on your own dance floor
one meant for You
we are all Artists inside
Creating in each Moment of our Lives
we Live with Art
We Live by Art
We Live in Art
Art is Life

how can you edit
how can you edit
how can you take away parts of Life
it seems it doesn't make sense
you can't take away the mistakes
that birthed the beautiful thought
that's like taking away stones on a path
no wonder so many of us get lost
while trying to travel through other people's mind frames
but yet how can a mind be framed
put into focus
when it encompasses the All?
We need it ALL
go give it to me
give me your pain and sorrow that led you to this happy poem
give me the times where you thought about ending your life
whoops! i meant sentence
when you thought of slicing your pen across a thought that
you felt did not fit in it
and yet there it is
staring back at you
how dare you tell it
that it's not good enough

let it go
and let it flow
in Art you don't think
you just do
much how Life should be Lived
surrender to your art
let it Be you

Silly thoughts.

I feel like i've learned and came to understand a lot about Life, and i'm going to try and share what exactly i have learned. it made be jumbled up, it may not make any sense, but here, now--with these symbols and fingertips i'll attempt to sing my song.

i've noticed almost everything seems like a paradox but maybe that's because we have been programmed to have a limited understanding. True perfection is imperfection, where become okay with our flaws...where we know just what it meant to be human. We take it all in, our sorrow, our happiness--they joy and pain & can truly BE WITH IT. We don't run away from our mistakes or beat ourselves up, but recognize that it's a part of life, of our experience here and it's okay. nothing we can do can make us any less than we have ever been. we will always be perfect, in this moment, in who we are right now.

Whether or not we see it is up to us... Whether or not we believe it, is up to us.

But it can be hard, it can be hard because many of us don't want to battle our egos. We don't want to come face to face with it. It can be out of ignorance, we may think our ego really is us and we could also be afraid... Afraid to let go, let go of enter the unknown

but i don't think we can experience the intimate relationship with the divine without surrendering. We have to surrender our lives, our fears, our pre-cautions to Life...the Universe, whatever you want to call it and truly believe everything will Be as it should. It can be hard to believe this, but if we take a step back and look at nature we see the power in letting go is natural and necessary.

The seeds just Be with the divine plan.
The trees, the leaves,
the caterpillars, the eggs,
the ocean waves. . .
they don't question--they trust
and by trusting, allow the beautiful cycle to continue.
They serve their purpose.

We stop ourselves from serving our purpose because we think if we don't do something, it won't get done. It takes much self-reflection and time spent alone to be able to tell when we should let go, when our plan is being a part of the change.
WE all have different roles, the only way we can know what our role, our purpose is, is by listening to our inner souls--not our egos--our souls. The parts of us One with the Divine.

The power of trust and belief mean everything.
We enter into a dark, yet beautiful space in life where we don't know how life will turn out, what lies ahead but know it will be great. . . we don't care to know where we will go but are prepared for the journey. That's surrendering, leaving that egotistical desire to be in control one hundred percent of the time because you are in tune with the frequency that controls and creates beauty. and even if you experience destruction, you know that that Creator uses the destruction only to build something greater, whether it's appreciation or a magnificent poem. there's a path in all of it.

Not only do we surrender but we become aware that we need others just as others need us, we love and support others just as they love and support us. Again this comes from nature, where everything works with each other. Nothing can survive on it's own, even the Earth needs the Sun, The plants need the Earth, the animals need the plant, and so forth.

We depend on each other somewhat, and that's okay. It's okay to need others sometimes because they are just another face of God. But even so, we must always remember God dwells in us, and we can be our own Healers when necessary. We know when we need others and when we can heal ourselves, again by self-reflection. Spending time with our souls is so important.

Love manifests in all forms and so many of us can create these amazing relationships in the name of love if we open ourselves up to life.

Open...without judgment, constantly recognizing ourselves in others. This is the globe we are moving towards and it's perfect, just as this Moment is. Even if we complain that it isn't. All is well...and it always will be.


these dreams they take me over, make me wonder who i really am. i lose myself, totally…then i find myself again. i keep wondering and wondering who is the person underneath the shell i see in the mirror…and when i close my eyes it’s like i know, i’m just like everyone else. i am everyone else, everything, every Being. every experience. superiority dissolves and judgment disappears, but somehow when i come back from the distant lands my souls journeys i forget this wisdom. my ego overtakes me and possesses my mind, body, and soul. patience is low. anger builds. understanding took a u-turn when my spirit went through the portal of illusion we like to call “reality”. it tells me it is me and we are separate beings. i stop recycling, i don’t give money to the homeless man on the street. i walk by with my misconceptions spoon-fed to me through society and how “anyone can be anything they want in this country”…”there is no excuse”. i feel less human. i feel like i’ve betrayed him, like i’ve betrayed my family and the person they raised me to be. but even them, even the loving mother i have let’s her demonic ego turn her from nurturing Goddess to negative assassin…killin with her words. i hope i get tired again, so i can return to my dreams. i can’t take the betrayal, the lies and disloyalty. the one that hurts the most is when i can observe it betraying myself… i just wanna go back to sleep, which is so ironic because the ones who say they are “conscious” tell us to WAKE UP! but i want to go back to sleep. the wisdom isn’t in the open eyes, but in the ones who close their eyes and dream. who learn to trust the Universe blindly, where they again become One with themselves.