Saturday, May 15, 2010
Okay let me warn you now--this is a VERY controversial topic and if you are not going into this with an open mind, you most likely will get mad or offended. Some of what I am going to state I want to say I do understand the reasons behind some of this that I am about to bring up, but it is still hurting yourself and others.
For about five years now I've observed there is a lot of SELF-HATE in the black community. The first thing I realized this from is a book titled, "Street Soldier", which is focusing on the "thug/gang life" in the black community. (I recommend everyone to read it btw) but as I've entered college and deplugged myself from the "system" as much as I can, I can't help but see the black community is inflicting alot of hurt on themselves whether or not they would like to admit this.
Of course, a lot of this started out from slavery, but even we are just participating in a system that is holding us down and then hold each other down.
My first example of this is going to be our music industry. If you look at the mainstream "hip-hop" music that is out right now, all of it is nonsense, has no substance, and no talent. Those teaching history, uplifting, and encouraging our people don't "make it" and this is a all a part of the system to keep us on the bottom.
Why do you think the mainstream music from other black artists are not educating us, talking about killing each other, objectifying our women, and focusing on material things?
That's what the CEOs want us to focus on.
They want us to spend our money on clothes, cars, chains, etc
instead of buying a house or gaining an education
because that is establishing a good foundation to LAST in the world,
but they don't want that "competition"...
instead of recognizing this
we make fun of black men who
aren't "thug" enough by callin' them punks
or if they are educated all of the sudden they are "squares"
being unplugged from the brainwashing is all of the sudden a BAD THING.
you don't fit in with your own community.
if you don't talk "ghetto" or educated, you talk "white"....
Women who don't open their legs or refuse to be objectified by this music
are seen as prudes, stuck-up, etc another BAD THING...
If you don't have the freshest gear on all of the sudden you're "broke"
like they are lazy because they won't go get their grind on
but just because someone isn't draped in labels, ice, etc that doesn't mean
you're "broke" ...how do you know they aren't INVESTING their money,
putting it in a savings account where it can gain interest...?
Then we call our women bitches, hos, and other degrading names left and right...
If you love your sisters--why would you do that?
These are our future mothers
that we are ALLOWING other people to call themmm...
which they are in turn internalizing
feeling less than a Queen because that's what they CONSTANTLY hear,
so here they don't uplift themselves
say no to a man being overly sexual with them during their teenage years
especially with so many with absent fathers who are
searching for some kind of masculine acceptance
so the only way to be accepted is to be a woman who "shakes her ass, drops it low, puts her pussy on his sideburns"?...
what kinna shit is that?
AND YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THIS IS DIRECTED AT OUR COMMUNITY?
E m i n e m
the media never talks too much about rap lyrics
and their thuggish violent ways
but as soon as eminem--a WHITE rapper who is speaking the same thing, it becomes a problem.
wanna know why? Because--NOW it starts hitting them in their home,
not THEIR CHILDREN are being affected by it because they can relate to this rapper
because he looks just like them. Eminem even talked about this in his song "White America"
Now aside from music, we all know black, dark skinned women are not looked at as the epitome of BEAUTY in the black community. If you ask a young man mostly what his dream woman is he'll most likely say "light skinned, red boned or something of that nature..."
Which IS a part of the media always having the light skins on the cover of magazines, or the lead singer in groups (Destiny Child)...
And why is this? Because the lighter, is closer to white--which is closer to
the "norm" of beauty (like Barbie)...
If you don't have straight hair all of the sudden your hair is "nappy"
and that is NOT a good thing, even though kinky hair is natural for a black woman...
but still it's not good enough...so instead she gets a weave to feel more "pretty" because "pretty people don't have 'nappy' hair"...
AND STILL that's not good enough...
Then we have those who sell drugs like cocaine to their communities not realizing they are killing their own sisters and brothers by giving them that poison. Or we're killing each other because this person represents a different "gang" or something of that nature.
And you know what all of this is--PART OF THE SYSTEM! this is what they want.
They want you to continue to be in gangs, selling drugs, etc to your communities
because you're doing their dirty work all because you are on your "paper chase" just like those in the videos....
And yes it's understandable you gotta get it how you live , BUT this is the way they've made the system--so that while you hustle you buy consumer products until you get thrown into jail or even better killed (by your own people)
and we keep participating in this cycle...
because we have been taught not to educate ourselves....
if we educated ourselves--we'd see this and we'd stop the system
and their empire would come tumbling down....
so they give us these meaningless role models to look up to
and music we treat like our very own bible that teaches us to hate ourselves
so that we can continue to be SLAVES in the system....
We need to stop accepting this.
We need to stop hating ourselves
and start loving each other again....
How do you expect to rise out of this slavery....
you have to stop.
you have to open your eyes....
Sunday, May 9, 2010
It’s interesting to me as I see all these boys having sex with these girls they consider “hos” and yet they talk so much about how they don’t respect them, are disgusted by what they do, and how they sit back and laugh with their patnas at the woman’s poor choices…
And I sit here and think—if you’re fuckin them—how do you have any room to talk?
Like you’re not any better if you messin with a girl that’s easy….
They say it’s for “practice” or they “just hos” I don’t care about them…
I hear about these groups of guys running a train on one girl
Or passing her from one friend to the other in a matter of months…
YOU ARE PATHETIC.
You think—well if she’s willing to put out, I’m not going to pass it up.
Well, mr. horndog
Do you ever stop and think with your head (no not that one) and wonder why she’s so easy…?
“Hos” are women/girls who have EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
Most come from having an absent father/not strong relationship with their dads.
So they go out and seek male affection—any kind. They are in desperate need to feel wanted, loved, needed.
And here you are creating a bigger void that she has to fill by being a part of this.
Some are even victims of sexual abuse or molestation as a child who are so used to being sexual or that was the only time they got that male “affection” so they are reflecting that in their actions as teens, young and grown women.
They have yet to deal with these problems 100%.
They have yet to find that self-love that elevates them to escape this imprisonment.
Each man she does something with just digs her in a deeper hole, makes her feel lesser than, makes her need to feel loved more; making the cycle worse.
And then what gets me is the guys who pull that “I love you” trick just so they can fuck and they wonder why girls get so attached. If a girl has been wanting her entire life to feel loved—and she hears it, of course she’s going to do anything to
Sure there are some girls who are “hos” that don’t seem like victims…
Some may be models
The prettiest girl in the room
With the cutest outfit
Drinking all the draaaanks
Smoking all the dro
At all the parties
She’s seeking out attention—attention she never felt
Or she’s trying to escape the reality of how alone she feels inside.
Don’t be fooled by this—her actions are showing you she’s insecure
Has low self-esteem
If she’s willing to give it up fast….
If you wouldn’t wife her because YOU KNOW she has “issues” why would you fuck her and become part of the problem?
You’re just adding to it.
Let her heal herself.
And I can admit I have been very judgmental to even other women who act like this,
But I still have to sit back and think—
damn this is sad that they're yearning for this attention so bad that they’ll give their body to whoever, whenever, just for that "sweet" moment of feeling
I just ask for people to look at the bigger picture
And stop acting like having sex with these “hos” isn’t a big deal
Or that “they just hos”…
Like they don’t have feelings
They are still
They are still human beings.
And for the woman that I am describing I can only pray that one day you will deal with
And liberate yourself
And see the Queen that lives inside of you…
She’s there—just look in the mirror…
Here I am, laying in this bed.
I feel disgusting.
I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror.
I wish I could peel my skin off--i can still smell his stench lurking on my body...
I said NO--maybe I was hearing things.
Maybe those words didn't leave my lips.
Maybe I only WANTED to...
but I coulda swore I heard myself scream
GET OFF OF ME!!
&& still he pushed me--pinned me down.
Oh how I wish I could have been stronger.
God why did you make men stronger than women anyways?
He might as well put a gun to my soul and fired awayyy...
I just don't feel the same.
I feel like a disgusting whore.
Someone people just use
FOR ONE THING...
but at least a prostitute gets money for chipping away her soul.
What did I get?
nothing at all.
Rape is so much more than a physical act, it is an act that destroys some one's soul and affects them and their life forever.
Ladies, if you ever feel pressured to do something you DON'T want to do, say NO. This is your body--they don't control it or own it. YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
If you have been raped--don't be ashamed. It wasn't your fault.
Tell someone so you can get help.....
your mentality is all over the place
and bottling it up
is not something you will be able to handle....
And trust you are NOT alone.
1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime
and college women are 4 times more likely to become one of those victims,
so if you think you don't know anyone who's been through it--think again.
Every 2 minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted.
and yet 60% of these are not reported to the police.
The sad thing about this is 73% of the assaulters are know by their victims
and only 6% will ever see any jail time; probably because of the lack of reporting
AND the lack of seriousness people take rape into account to.
The thing that makes me so mad is the women who lie and say they are raped when they really aren't!! this makes the women who truly were victimized look like the "little boy who cried wolf" therein making them more ashamed. This is nothing to joke about. And I'm tired of people shrugging it off when they do hear someone has been raped because they think they're lying. Only 2% of women who said they are raped are being false. So think, there is a waaaaaaaaay more likely chance that they were indeed victims.
For the men that do decide to indeed keep going on after a woman has said no;
You are a sick ass person in the mind.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????????????????
why would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want you?!
are you that insecure
do you have THAT many issues in your little mind.
WHO the fuck are you to think you can take control someone else's body?!
Do you think you are a God or something--like rules don't apply to you?
It has AND never will BE that serious to have sex with someone to the point where you have to FORCE them...
Think before you act!!
For the women who have been victims; stay strong.
You are beautiful--it may be hard,
but you CAN and WILL get through this.
Don't give up...
In tupac's words "Keep your head up...."
Saturday, May 8, 2010
So after a guy converses with me for awhile I always get the question: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or my personal fave and most recent, “if you’re such a “good girl”, why are you still single?”… And I have observed that a lot of “good girls” are STILL single. I’m going to answer the question for you from my own perspective and experience.
I think a lot of the issue is the quality of women has decreased in this generation, and there are so many women who lack self-love and are considered “hos”, that it makes less easy girls seem like a foreign concept.
I think the biggest issue with this is that GIRLS GIVE IT UP TOO EASY!!
Since guys are so “used to” getting whatever they want easily; they have no idea what to do.
I get one of two things that happen to me when they discover that I am not this easy.
1) A guy refuses to deal with it right then and there
2) A guy acts like he can handle the no sex right away thing, and then when it comes down to it—they can’t
They “wanna have fun”….smh
My personal favorite is when a guy DOES in fact make you his girlfriend and then expects to be able to still “have his fun”. Um no, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. So when a girl stands up and says this is NOT okay—they don’t change and it continues, or he bails because this is “too much”…
Personally, I don’t understand why guys want the “easy” girls….
Anything worth having—is worth working hard for;
Why should a GOOD woman be any different?
They think making this “good girl” a girlfriend will limit their variety after awhile OR it will get boring after awhile. When in all actuality—this is the most vivacious babe of them all.
Because they can stimulate ALL of your senses.
They can stimulate your mind and body.
They can sit there and hold a deep conversation with you.
A lot of this makes me wonder if a real independent woman is appreciated these days. Even Haley Berry has been cheated on. And she is beautiful, deep, successful, etc
It’s just funny to me that guys talk so much about hos and still fuck them.
Then after you’re done “having your fun & being young…” etc with all the “hos” you expect to get with one of the “good girls” you dissed because she wouldn’t give it up quick enough and had some sense of self-respect and dignity….
That doesn’t make her a prude,
That’s just her trying to assure that you like her for who she is and NOT sex.
If you can’t hang with a girl who won’t give it up after a week
You must not care too much about her
And you therein don’t deserve to be someone she chooses to share that with…
My spirit is going through metamorphosis....
As an egg, I am under my parent's care and I am born into my caterpillar stage where I will remain for as long as I want.
Some people may remain here their whole life--if they don't realize their destiny is something greater.
As a caterpillar you must accept your surroundings as they are. You can't make any drastic changes...and if you move--you move slowly...
I ate whatever food was around, I didn't seek after what was the best. I didn' have the "wings" to.
Here I crawl on ground level staring up at the big blue sky, wondering what it's like to fly. Why do I have this intense feeling inside of myself that I am bigger, better than my current state?
All of those around me seem to look the same.. Maybe I'm crazy like they say I am.... Maybe I should just STFU and accept this....
But I can't do that--I needa go away.
I need to think.
I need to clear my mind wih no outside influence.
The most important stage of the process.
away from everything
I discover who I am because I am focusing on ME.
In real life, I had to do just that.
I had to get away from years of being told
I'm "not black enough"
or i'm not too black--too "ghetto"
my hair was too curly
but yet it wasn't thick enough
my interests were weird because I liked to read
I ddn't go to all of the parties
I didn't pop all of the pills
I chose to smoke too late in life
to be accepted
I didn't chase after the latest brands
I preferred pen and paper in my hand
maybe I SHOULD try this make-up thing?
I didn't accept sharing a bf with 5 other girls
THE NERVE OF ME!
i didn't give sex enough
for the boys that wanted "it"
I didn't spread my legs enough
I wasn't measuring up to the "caterpillar" standards
i just don't fit in AT ALL.......
these didn't really sound like I was the one making the poor choices
I sat there and did my self-reflection,
i started to love myself unconditionally.
I realized there was nothing wrong with my mindset, my beliefs....
I just wasn't destined for this level.
I had to get away
to elevate myself.
This cacoon was the most comforting home I had ever known.
As I seperated myself from all of the lies I had been told,
I startd to grow.
I started to transform.
I consumed myself in the world of writing
and educating myself.
doing the things society said I COULDN'T BE because of my
I became my true potential.
I became that butterfly.
It took time.
I had to be patient
in God's plan--that this is what I needed.
Sure it was lonely in that cacoon.
i was alone....
alone in an intimate setting with me and my spirit....
Sure I wanted to break out of this sanctuary, but what would I have became?
I may have ruined my transformation.
I had to close my eyes
I didn't wanna deal with this caterpillar "reality"...
I had to get to the point where I started to ask questions;
questions about myself.....
So reader I ask you--where are you in this process.
Do you see darkness?
Where you pray...cry....dream
are you closing your eyes saying this reality is just a nightmare
and you want to getaway from it all?
That is the hint to reflect!
That is the time to dig deep
and converse with your soul.
You are destined to fly. Don't settle for the caterpillars--no matter what they say.
No matter how bright their colors on their long bodies look,
you can't drape yourself in childhood mentality your whole life.....
You're destined to be greater.
Your mind has the capacity to understand something deeper....
The caterpillar may be pretty bright colors right now, BUT imagine even more how beautiful you will be with the details on your wings...
Imagine they way your soul and spirit will feeeeeel.....
To be in that big beautiful sky where you can fly to drink the nectar of the beautiful flowers that will finally quench your dying thirst you never could drink as a caterpillar....
That is REAL nourishment;
that is real food.
Escaping your cacoon is like a rebirth--consumed in the peace of self-love.
I had stripped the skin of the that looked like everyone else;
the brainwashing the media had told me
the lies my peers had told me
and i was me; loving ME
I had finally gotten my wings.
Now all I have to do is fly....
Now I ask you
fly away with me ♥
only HERE can the "caterpillar" mate--only HERE do they have the true potential to
create the next generation successfully....
they have to do their growing first--they have to go through their own transformation
they have to love themselves enough to fly in their greatness....
fly so far
and give the generation it's hope for a better tomorrow,
but it starts with you.
That starts with us . . .
I would like to take the time now to say; excuse me if you read any excessive amounts of cuss words BUT I do not play with this situation.
Violence is never okay. And if it has happened you can believe it WILL happen again no matter how many times they say they are going to change. I had to as a little girl see my biological father put his hands on my mother, so I first hand witnessed the lack of help from police and the pain it causes a woman. My mother left before I was even born, but he continued to stalk her--he didn't want to let it go, and the fact that the police weren't taking it serious enough didn't help. This is why you have to tell people, so you can have a strong support system. You WILL need it. It took years to finally "find that peace", but she DID indeed find it. My mother educated me on the situation--what they signs are; which I will be sharing with you so this DOES NOT happen to you.
Now if you constantly hear any of this and think it relate to you, be cautious. I'm not saying every man who does this is going to be abusive BUT it is a very high chance.
Abusers love to act perfect in the very beginning of a relationship and after they do that you'll notice they become very controlling, try and distance you from your loved ones, and constantly accuse you of cheating. This is a result of their lack of self-love. They are insecure in their own confidence so they want to assure that they won't "lose you". BUT don't give them sympathy for that. Just because someone has low self-esteem doesn't mean they have the right to put their hands on you. Abuse is not love. You would never intentionally hurt someone you care about.
If he DOES hit you, he's going to apologize and tell you he didnt mean it. Then he'll act so sweet and you'll think. "Okay maybe this was an accident...It's not going to happen again..." But you don't really know that for sure. The next time will be worse than the first time and I'm sure as hell you don't want to risk your life for him. Wanna know why you're not going to do that? it's because you hav self-love, like we discussed in my last blog.
the fact of the matter is--if he hits you LEAVE.
Don't be ashamed.
It is not your fault.
&& if you are too scared to tell--because you think he'll be mad if he goes to jail,
who CARES if he gets mad. He doesn't care enough about your feelings when he hits you!! And you can use the time he's in jail (if long enough) to leave, relocate, heal.... that is what you need--for YOU. And if you have a child, I want you to look in their eyes and think should they have to grow up watching their Dad put their hands on their mother? Didn't think so.
True it may be hard, you may live with him. You may live across the country from your family--but DON'T stay!! Find a battered women's shelter that will help youstand on your own two feet. You don't deserve to be a prisioner in your own home.
Okay now the thing that gets me about this is that some men and even women stick up for men who hit women. like whith that whole Chris Brown and Rihannna thing. "She had to do something for him to hit her..." wtf?! you sound so ignorant, women get hit for no reason at all ALL of the time. Why should this be any different?
Men who hit women are insecure bitch pussy human beings who disgust me. Do you think hitting a woman makes you a man? Belittling someone just so that you can make yourself feel greater is the sickest thing on this earth.
And yes sure, there are women who test men over and over because they try and use this "men shouldn't hit men" thing to their advantage by taking off on a dude, slapping him, punching him, etc and this is NOT okay. The human body has reflexes and men are naturally stronger than women, so their reflexes will be too.
So don't do too much when you are mad at a guy. And if you have self-love, there is nothing in this world that could possibly cause you to hit him anyways. SO if you are doin' this STOP IT NOW LADIES. It is not right.
There should not be any violence from either party in a relationship.
Love may have pain in it--sometimes (emotional pain)
But pain is NOT love.
Simple as that.
Here are some statistcs got about abusive relationships:
•Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. 1
•As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. 2
•On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. 3
•Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States. 4
•Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause. 5
•Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. 6
•Three in four women (76%) who reported they had been raped and/or physically assaulted since age 18 said that a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, or date committed the assault. 7
and if you are currently in a abusive relationship
tell someone or use these resources:
the help line-- 1-888-7HELPLINE
there are other forms on the internet
Okay I haven't been blogging inna while BUT I most definitely wanna get back into the habit. I guess this was a time of observation for me for better, new material. The first thing I wanna talk about is self-love and this is for two reasons. 1) it is a huge problem that creates alot of the other issues I will discuss later on and 2) so many people have yet to discover it! To me, self-love is by far the most important thing in the world and we focus so little on it and yet it has the power to solve so many issues. We discuss so much about loving others and forget to love ourselves.
Now first and foremost is the qestion; well what the hell is self-love? Are you talking about masturbation, Tekoa? ummmm no, that's not what I am referring to at all. Self-love is loving yourself unconditionally; being able to forgive yourself for your "mistakes", loving yourself for who YOU are no matter what anyone else tells you, loving yourself enough to believe in yourself. Self-love is the start of self-discipline, self-motivation, self-esteem. Ths is all the root of these very important things.
If you truly love yourself you won't settle in any aspect of your life because you will know that you are so special, that you are worth more than that. There is a big difference between self-love and cockiness, though. So don't confuse the two. Self-love has no ego. It is gentle, it is humble. Self-love is when you see that God lives inside of you. Some people need religion to tell them how special they are and others just know it from their heart, but if you notice self-love is liberation needed in any aspect of success. In religion they plant self-love in you by telling you how much God loves you--unconditional. Therein that makes us believe in it. therein that gives us our foundation for self-love. Others can get that from their parents, friends, etc to feel like they are worthy of such a great amount of love--BUT for those who don't get that foundation from anyone, it is still needed.
Throughout history nations, races, genders, etc have been opressed and continued to remain opressed after they were robbed of this "self-love identity". You can see this illustrated in many examples.
Black people for example, were for centuries taught they were lesser than after slavery and they started to believe it subconciously. And even generations later after "slavery" we have people in the "ghettos" who don't believe "college is for them" or "their situation is hopeless" etc. If they had self-love, felt worthy, knew their amount of value within themselves--they'd know they DID indeed deserve better. Although, it may be discouraging at times, they wouldn't settle for running from the police their whole life. They'd want to build something legit. They deserved longterm happiness.
Okay moving on from race because I don't want to get too stereotypical and generalize...
Self-love can be seen in relationships as well.
If you have self-love you won't settle for someone who repeatedly cheats on you, beats on you, says their sorry for these things and does nothing to change.
If you had self-love you wouldn't take that sorryass ex back that dogged you out so bad and continued to do it over and over and over and over.....
If you had self-love you wouldn't feel the need to refuse to walk out of the house without spending 2hours in front of the mirror caking on pounds of makeup (now im not saying makeup is horrible BUT you should never allow something to become so much a part of you, that you don't feel beautiful WITHOUT it. when it comes to that extent--it's a problem)
If you had self-love you wouldn't use hardcore drugs such as cocaine, heroin, etc to escape your issues because you know that's entering you in a life that you know YOU DON'T DESERVE. You love yourself more that that--to let something else control your mind. You know that's not what your life was meant to be.
If you had self-love you wouldn't constantly accuse your gf/bf/wife/husband of cheating because you know how great of a person you are. And if they can't see that--they don't deserve you. And you deserve someone who does appreciate your greatness.
If you had self-love you'd never settle, with no education, no job, no meaning to life. You'd go out and find that--you'd work for it, because you know that you deserve it!!
If you had self-love you wouldn't worry about that absent father/mother in your life because you love yourself and that's all that matters.
If you had self-love you wouldn't be opening your legs to every guy that comes in your path because you know you're better than that.
If you have self-love you wouldn't fuck all of these girls who don't respect themselves because you don't need the amount of women you sleep with to make you feel like a man.
If you had self-love you wouldn't waste your money on hella name brands because you don't mirror the value of your soul in what you're wearing. Your spirit is enough.
Self-love is just such a big part of life. it is such a big part of happiness, peace. Without it alot of issues arise. And there is usually a lack of self-love at the root of every problem and if your problem it caused by someone else--i Bet it is at the root of their problem.
If you have found self-love. Hold onto it. keep it. Never let it go.
And if you haven't I ask that you take this time right now to look within yourself and discover it. Work on it day in and day out until you are so consumed in it that all you can do is go on smiling throughout the day.
Self-love is the beginning of a road to beautiful things.
You deserve that road! <3