Monday, July 11, 2011
these dreams they take me over, make me wonder who i really am. i lose myself, totally…then i find myself again. i keep wondering and wondering who is the person underneath the shell i see in the mirror…and when i close my eyes it’s like i know, i’m just like everyone else. i am everyone else, everything, every Being. every experience. superiority dissolves and judgment disappears, but somehow when i come back from the distant lands my souls journeys i forget this wisdom. my ego overtakes me and possesses my mind, body, and soul. patience is low. anger builds. understanding took a u-turn when my spirit went through the portal of illusion we like to call “reality”. it tells me it is me and we are separate beings. i stop recycling, i don’t give money to the homeless man on the street. i walk by with my misconceptions spoon-fed to me through society and how “anyone can be anything they want in this country”…”there is no excuse”. i feel less human. i feel like i’ve betrayed him, like i’ve betrayed my family and the person they raised me to be. but even them, even the loving mother i have let’s her demonic ego turn her from nurturing Goddess to negative assassin…killin with her words. i hope i get tired again, so i can return to my dreams. i can’t take the betrayal, the lies and disloyalty. the one that hurts the most is when i can observe it betraying myself… i just wanna go back to sleep, which is so ironic because the ones who say they are “conscious” tell us to WAKE UP! but i want to go back to sleep. the wisdom isn’t in the open eyes, but in the ones who close their eyes and dream. who learn to trust the Universe blindly, where they again become One with themselves.