Why are the “good girls” single?

So after a guy converses with me for awhile I always get the question: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or my personal fave and most recent, “if you’re such a “good girl”, why are you still single?”… And I have observed that a lot of “good girls” are STILL single. I’m going to answer the question for you from my own perspective and experience.
I think a lot of the issue is the quality of women has decreased in this generation, and there are so many women who lack self-love and are considered “hos”, that it makes less easy girls seem like a foreign concept.
I think the biggest issue with this is that GIRLS GIVE IT UP TOO EASY!!
Since guys are so “used to” getting whatever they want easily; they have no idea what to do.
I get one of two things that happen to me when they discover that I am not this easy.
1) A guy refuses to deal with it right then and there
Or
2) A guy acts like he can handle the no sex right away thing, and then when it comes down to it—they can’t

They’re “young”
They “wanna have fun”….smh
My personal favorite is when a guy DOES in fact make you his girlfriend and then expects to be able to still “have his fun”. Um no, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. So when a girl stands up and says this is NOT okay—they don’t change and it continues, or he bails because this is “too much”…
Personally, I don’t understand why guys want the “easy” girls….
Anything worth having—is worth working hard for;
Why should a GOOD woman be any different?
They think making this “good girl” a girlfriend will limit their variety after awhile OR it will get boring after awhile. When in all actuality—this is the most vivacious babe of them all.
Because they can stimulate ALL of your senses.
They can stimulate your mind and body.
They can sit there and hold a deep conversation with you.


A lot of this makes me wonder if a real independent woman is appreciated these days. Even Haley Berry has been cheated on. And she is beautiful, deep, successful, etc
It’s just funny to me that guys talk so much about hos and still fuck them.
Then after you’re done “having your fun & being young…” etc with all the “hos” you expect to get with one of the “good girls” you dissed because she wouldn’t give it up quick enough and had some sense of self-respect and dignity….
That doesn’t make her a prude,
That’s just her trying to assure that you like her for who she is and NOT sex.
If you can’t hang with a girl who won’t give it up after a week
You must not care too much about her
And you therein don’t deserve to be someone she chooses to share that with…

Metamorphosis

My spirit is going through metamorphosis....

As an egg, I am under my parent's care and I am born into my caterpillar stage where I will remain for as long as I want.

Some people may remain here their whole life--if they don't realize their destiny is something greater.

As a caterpillar you must accept your surroundings as they are. You can't make any drastic changes...and if you move--you move slowly...

I ate whatever food was around, I didn't seek after what was the best. I didn' have the "wings" to.

Here I crawl on ground level staring up at the big blue sky, wondering what it's like to fly. Why do I have this intense feeling inside of myself that I am bigger, better than my current state?

All of those around me seem to look the same.. Maybe I'm crazy like they say I am.... Maybe I should just STFU and accept this....

But I can't do that--I needa go away.
I need to think.
I need to clear my mind wih no outside influence.

Isolation.
The most important stage of the process.

away from everything
I discover who I am because I am focusing on ME.

In real life, I had to do just that.
I had to get away from years of being told
I'm "not black enough"
or i'm not too black--too "ghetto"
too skinny
too this
too that
my hair was too curly
but yet it wasn't thick enough
my interests were weird because I liked to read
I ddn't go to all of the parties
I didn't pop all of the pills
I chose to smoke too late in life
to be accepted
I didn't chase after the latest brands
I preferred pen and paper in my hand
maybe I SHOULD try this make-up thing?
I didn't accept sharing a bf with 5 other girls
THE NERVE OF ME!
i didn't give sex enough
for the boys that wanted "it"
I didn't spread my legs enough
I wasn't measuring up to the "caterpillar" standards
i just don't fit in AT ALL.......

wait.
these didn't really sound like I was the one making the poor choices
I sat there and did my self-reflection,
i started to love myself unconditionally.
I realized there was nothing wrong with my mindset, my beliefs....

I just wasn't destined for this level.
I had to get away
to elevate myself.
This cacoon was the most comforting home I had ever known.

As I seperated myself from all of the lies I had been told,
I startd to grow.
I started to transform.
I consumed myself in the world of writing
and educating myself.
doing the things society said I COULDN'T BE because of my
sex
age
race
economic background
nationality



I became my true potential.
I became that butterfly.



It took time.
I had to be patient
in God's plan--that this is what I needed.

Sure it was lonely in that cacoon.
i was alone....
alone in an intimate setting with me and my spirit....
Sure I wanted to break out of this sanctuary, but what would I have became?
I may have ruined my transformation.

I had to close my eyes
I didn't wanna deal with this caterpillar "reality"...
I had to get to the point where I started to ask questions;
questions about myself.....

So reader I ask you--where are you in this process.
Do you see darkness?
Where you pray...cry....dream
are you closing your eyes saying this reality is just a nightmare
and you want to getaway from it all?

That is the hint to reflect!
That is the time to dig deep
and converse with your soul.

You are destined to fly. Don't settle for the caterpillars--no matter what they say.
No matter how bright their colors on their long bodies look,
you can't drape yourself in childhood mentality your whole life.....
You're destined to be greater.
Your mind has the capacity to understand something deeper....
The caterpillar may be pretty bright colors right now, BUT imagine even more how beautiful you will be with the details on your wings...

Imagine they way your soul and spirit will feeeeeel.....

To be in that big beautiful sky where you can fly to drink the nectar of the beautiful flowers that will finally quench your dying thirst you never could drink as a caterpillar....

That is REAL nourishment;
that is real food.

Escaping your cacoon is like a rebirth--consumed in the peace of self-love.
I had stripped the skin of the that looked like everyone else;
the brainwashing the media had told me
the lies my peers had told me
and i was me; loving ME

I had finally gotten my wings.
Now all I have to do is fly....


Now I ask you
fly away with me ♥

only HERE can the "caterpillar" mate--only HERE do they have the true potential to
create the next generation successfully....
they have to do their growing first--they have to go through their own transformation
they have to love themselves enough to fly in their greatness....

let's fly
fly so far
and give the generation it's hope for a better tomorrow,
but it starts with you.

That starts with us . . .

Domestic Violence: Hitting is NEVER okay.

I would like to take the time now to say; excuse me if you read any excessive amounts of cuss words BUT I do not play with this situation.

Violence is never okay. And if it has happened you can believe it WILL happen again no matter how many times they say they are going to change. I had to as a little girl see my biological father put his hands on my mother, so I first hand witnessed the lack of help from police and the pain it causes a woman. My mother left before I was even born, but he continued to stalk her--he didn't want to let it go, and the fact that the police weren't taking it serious enough didn't help. This is why you have to tell people, so you can have a strong support system. You WILL need it. It took years to finally "find that peace", but she DID indeed find it. My mother educated me on the situation--what they signs are; which I will be sharing with you so this DOES NOT happen to you.

Now if you constantly hear any of this and think it relate to you, be cautious. I'm not saying every man who does this is going to be abusive BUT it is a very high chance.

Abusers love to act perfect in the very beginning of a relationship and after they do that you'll notice they become very controlling, try and distance you from your loved ones, and constantly accuse you of cheating. This is a result of their lack of self-love. They are insecure in their own confidence so they want to assure that they won't "lose you". BUT don't give them sympathy for that. Just because someone has low self-esteem doesn't mean they have the right to put their hands on you. Abuse is not love. You would never intentionally hurt someone you care about.

If he DOES hit you, he's going to apologize and tell you he didnt mean it. Then he'll act so sweet and you'll think. "Okay maybe this was an accident...It's not going to happen again..." But you don't really know that for sure. The next time will be worse than the first time and I'm sure as hell you don't want to risk your life for him. Wanna know why you're not going to do that? it's because you hav self-love, like we discussed in my last blog.

the fact of the matter is--if he hits you LEAVE.
TELL SOMEONE.
Don't be ashamed.
It is not your fault.
&& if you are too scared to tell--because you think he'll be mad if he goes to jail,
who CARES if he gets mad. He doesn't care enough about your feelings when he hits you!! And you can use the time he's in jail (if long enough) to leave, relocate, heal.... that is what you need--for YOU. And if you have a child, I want you to look in their eyes and think should they have to grow up watching their Dad put their hands on their mother? Didn't think so.

True it may be hard, you may live with him. You may live across the country from your family--but DON'T stay!! Find a battered women's shelter that will help youstand on your own two feet. You don't deserve to be a prisioner in your own home.

Okay now the thing that gets me about this is that some men and even women stick up for men who hit women. like whith that whole Chris Brown and Rihannna thing. "She had to do something for him to hit her..." wtf?! you sound so ignorant, women get hit for no reason at all ALL of the time. Why should this be any different?

Men who hit women are insecure bitch pussy human beings who disgust me. Do you think hitting a woman makes you a man? Belittling someone just so that you can make yourself feel greater is the sickest thing on this earth.

And yes sure, there are women who test men over and over because they try and use this "men shouldn't hit men" thing to their advantage by taking off on a dude, slapping him, punching him, etc and this is NOT okay. The human body has reflexes and men are naturally stronger than women, so their reflexes will be too.

So don't do too much when you are mad at a guy. And if you have self-love, there is nothing in this world that could possibly cause you to hit him anyways. SO if you are doin' this STOP IT NOW LADIES. It is not right.


There should not be any violence from either party in a relationship.
Love may have pain in it--sometimes (emotional pain)
But pain is NOT love.
Simple as that.

Here are some statistcs got about abusive relationships:
•Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. 1
•As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. 2
•On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. 3
•Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States. 4
•Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause. 5
•Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. 6
•Three in four women (76%) who reported they had been raped and/or physically assaulted since age 18 said that a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, or date committed the assault. 7

from http://www.kcsdv.org/stats.html

and if you are currently in a abusive relationship
tell someone or use these resources:
the help line-- 1-888-7HELPLINE
1-800-799-SAFE
there are other forms on the internet

The Importance of SELF-LOVE

Okay I haven't been blogging inna while BUT I most definitely wanna get back into the habit. I guess this was a time of observation for me for better, new material. The first thing I wanna talk about is self-love and this is for two reasons. 1) it is a huge problem that creates alot of the other issues I will discuss later on and 2) so many people have yet to discover it! To me, self-love is by far the most important thing in the world and we focus so little on it and yet it has the power to solve so many issues. We discuss so much about loving others and forget to love ourselves.

Now first and foremost is the qestion; well what the hell is self-love? Are you talking about masturbation, Tekoa? ummmm no, that's not what I am referring to at all. Self-love is loving yourself unconditionally; being able to forgive yourself for your "mistakes", loving yourself for who YOU are no matter what anyone else tells you, loving yourself enough to believe in yourself. Self-love is the start of self-discipline, self-motivation, self-esteem. Ths is all the root of these very important things.

If you truly love yourself you won't settle in any aspect of your life because you will know that you are so special, that you are worth more than that. There is a big difference between self-love and cockiness, though. So don't confuse the two. Self-love has no ego. It is gentle, it is humble. Self-love is when you see that God lives inside of you. Some people need religion to tell them how special they are and others just know it from their heart, but if you notice self-love is liberation needed in any aspect of success. In religion they plant self-love in you by telling you how much God loves you--unconditional. Therein that makes us believe in it. therein that gives us our foundation for self-love. Others can get that from their parents, friends, etc to feel like they are worthy of such a great amount of love--BUT for those who don't get that foundation from anyone, it is still needed.

Throughout history nations, races, genders, etc have been opressed and continued to remain opressed after they were robbed of this "self-love identity". You can see this illustrated in many examples.

Black people for example, were for centuries taught they were lesser than after slavery and they started to believe it subconciously. And even generations later after "slavery" we have people in the "ghettos" who don't believe "college is for them" or "their situation is hopeless" etc. If they had self-love, felt worthy, knew their amount of value within themselves--they'd know they DID indeed deserve better. Although, it may be discouraging at times, they wouldn't settle for running from the police their whole life. They'd want to build something legit. They deserved longterm happiness.

Okay moving on from race because I don't want to get too stereotypical and generalize...

Self-love can be seen in relationships as well.

If you have self-love you won't settle for someone who repeatedly cheats on you, beats on you, says their sorry for these things and does nothing to change.

If you had self-love you wouldn't take that sorryass ex back that dogged you out so bad and continued to do it over and over and over and over.....

If you had self-love you wouldn't feel the need to refuse to walk out of the house without spending 2hours in front of the mirror caking on pounds of makeup (now im not saying makeup is horrible BUT you should never allow something to become so much a part of you, that you don't feel beautiful WITHOUT it. when it comes to that extent--it's a problem)

If you had self-love you wouldn't use hardcore drugs such as cocaine, heroin, etc to escape your issues because you know that's entering you in a life that you know YOU DON'T DESERVE. You love yourself more that that--to let something else control your mind. You know that's not what your life was meant to be.

If you had self-love you wouldn't constantly accuse your gf/bf/wife/husband of cheating because you know how great of a person you are. And if they can't see that--they don't deserve you. And you deserve someone who does appreciate your greatness.

If you had self-love you'd never settle, with no education, no job, no meaning to life. You'd go out and find that--you'd work for it, because you know that you deserve it!!

If you had self-love you wouldn't worry about that absent father/mother in your life because you love yourself and that's all that matters.

If you had self-love you wouldn't be opening your legs to every guy that comes in your path because you know you're better than that.

If you have self-love you wouldn't fuck all of these girls who don't respect themselves because you don't need the amount of women you sleep with to make you feel like a man.

If you had self-love you wouldn't waste your money on hella name brands because you don't mirror the value of your soul in what you're wearing. Your spirit is enough.

Self-love is just such a big part of life. it is such a big part of happiness, peace. Without it alot of issues arise. And there is usually a lack of self-love at the root of every problem and if your problem it caused by someone else--i Bet it is at the root of their problem.

If you have found self-love. Hold onto it. keep it. Never let it go.
And if you haven't I ask that you take this time right now to look within yourself and discover it. Work on it day in and day out until you are so consumed in it that all you can do is go on smiling throughout the day.

Self-love is the beginning of a road to beautiful things.
You deserve that road! <3