casino

tipsy turvy
late night screens
best friends with the send key
just another motherfucker to pass the time
       better find your balance

outside inside
mental interruptions
electronic theme song holding down reality

kids play inside heart shaped-dice
unaware of the game being rolled


moved

like

marbles

     lost in the sandbox
the kids never care about finding

the bell has rung
FREEZE!
(or it'll be detention)
and class has started again


just enough to step
in line
we go
march march march
apart

don't touch anyone else
cooties may consume you
"hands to ourselves!"
you'd never be promoted to the next grade if they do

my my my
have we forgotten to tie our shoe?

don't trip

daydreams of basketballs bouncing interrupt class productivity
kiss away the lesson for child's play
ring ring
send key

open sesame to
a can of fried worms we're too afraid to eat
so we just sit there and let it stink

the stench lingering
soaked up by the moment
and the other moments that are forced to share in the scent
soaked into playschool jeans and recess hair

read
 click
  read
   click
 read
flip a page at the library
steal the books you really wanna checkout
since the librarian says you can only checkout three

knots knots
piles of excuses
blame it on the fact that they're young
blame it on the fact that they're "free"

Quiet

Words I'm too afraid to say
so i hide them
in between the perpendicular walls
that give our rooms its corners
I hope they don't escape.
The closet was too full of clothes
to hide these invasive ideas any better

My mind asked me if it could borrow them
it liked obsessing over whatifs and couldbes
I ignored it's call
so it scratched the highways of my brain
until I got a headache
it's laughter tore me down as I walked with a limo
hoping these thoughts leave me be
but i see them make love
with the spiders in our bed
and slap me in the face with Charlotte's web

Admiring the beautiful creation
it engulfs my soul
mummifying my Being.
Taped eyelids forced to
meet words
in concrete form
leave me
leave me
But please, don't--I need you!

Do I?

Never knew words could take over reality
but they constantly trap me

Escape turns into a trap itself
the constant effort to maintain Freedom
Do I own the work ethic
necessary for this required strength?

The alphabet's whispers
sound like a heavy metal concert
sexing with my subconscious

Fleeting anti-abortionist beliefs
Kill the spawn
no more kingdom
no more kin
the end
finally

Internal work trying to decipher
delusion from illusion
but they all look the same
identical twins, that probably
changed places
leave me in an insecure place

I don't want to hear these thoughts
so instead they assault me
Can I call the police on my abusive ego?
Can I go to court? I need a restraining order

The judge hates me they say, so there's no use
Submit to the system

Revolt! Revolt!
Begging for an internal revolution
my body throws up
Misunderstanding
More abuse

Leave me
Leave me

Just once,
I want to be abandoned

Daydreams live somewhere

Today I went on a roadtrip
somewhere on a beach.
the car ride there I couldn't
help but admire the trees

In my mind we held a conversation
I wanted to invite them to the ocean
see if they'd like to play volleyball
and ride a roller-coaster,
their leaves just swayed in the wind
their trunks stood strong.
I wanted to see them bend
and buckle themselves into their seat-belts
with their leafy decorated hands

I don't know if they'll fit
I don't know if they're too high

I'm interested in the stories they may share
and dream about the fun they
might be able to add

A car full of flowers
and trees
communing until they reach to the beach
how crazy am i for thinking this?
how crazy am i for entertaining this idea?
how crazy am i for wanting this?


Questions cause my daydream to become hazy
back to the leftside of the brain
back to prison
back to limitations

Forced sanity
because all the dreamers are insane

Cold Apology

Imsorry babygirl

I can't play with you,

too busy dropping bombs.

I know you want to blow your bubbles

but the sounds of the battle

disturb your ability to enter that childhood fantasy world.

Imsorry you can't play with your dolls

outside of your house

but I'd rather you be safe

inside the rubble of your old home

than a victim of gigantic boots scurrying, but accidentally

leaving shoeprints on

your face

your feet

that they did not see


Imsorry adults are so dumb

that we forget to have fun

and now you have to suffer

this is how the potty-trained elite play

turn games from fantasy to reality

but it seems like we only manifest our darkest ideas

and leave the beauty behind

in our diapers


babygirl promise you won't grow up to be like us.

Remember your experience

and assure the future, you learn

from our insensitive mistakes

we memorized our biased history

only to repeat it

it doesn't have to to be like this


Babygirl, promise when you grow up

you won't rob a child's youth

that you won't steal their innocence

Promise me

you'll be a kid forever

and create a world with Peter Pan

Neverland, but Foreverland


Babygirl, Imsorry we're too busy stuck in the competition

we teach you to destroy your friends for your own gain

Imsorry we create paradoxes

where we educate you in school to be one way

cooperate, remain nonviolent

but as you grow older, we tell you to peel off that positive skin

Imsorry for all the lies and

unnecessary fights

sorry we argue about Santa Claus' existence

but tell you to have an imagination

Imsorry we instill in you that logic is greater than feeling

and to ignore your intuition

Imsorry classrooms are filled with limitless inspirational quotes

but we tell you that you're fininte, limited, and destined to fail as you grow older


Imsorry we confuse you

But please try to understand

we are indeed leaders,

confused within.

try to understand

try to understand

we were only raised by people who had their innocence stolen too

No, sweetie it's not an excuse,

just an explanation so you can

See Love

I hope you Be Love

more than we are currently Being

we are fools, fools of adulthood


you are Love

don't let us change you

remain true to your pureness

even if the world seems completely opposite than how you feel it should be

sometimes it can feel like that

but Love is always the answer

so answer that to any question;

you'll always be right

A light is always with you

you can never be lost

don't be afraid to close your eyes and look within

don't turn your head our direction

we may not be the best example

imsorry for that


imsorry we have forgotten how to listen to our own wisdom

and leave you with this world of constant war

even if it seems you will always be the same

remember you hold the power to create change

imsorry babygirl

that we're changing the wrong things


i hope you can forgive me

can forgive us

and see that you are Love

We are Love

Babygirl, Imsorry

Just return to your mind and build something beautiful

while we destroy your world

think of all the positive things in life

and find gratitude

even if

you feel there's no reason for it to exist


I know our foolish game has left you

home-less

parent-less

emotion-less

and leg-less

but remember weresorry

Her bloodfilled tears

streamed down her face like

an emotionally confused waterfall

ejecting connection with us

Stars in her eyes fade to blackness

Zombielike, she moves

I hope we haven't lost her.


Babygirl I love you!

but her Spirit remains mute